This past Lord’s Day Pastor Tony preached on Philippians 1:18-16. This is one of my favorite passages of Scripture. It is so because it draws me to focus on the essence of life when it says, “To live is Christ.” Many years ago this verse caught me off guard and I wrote about it moments later in my journal which was worded as a letter to my father which was later sent. I do not often feel comfortable sharing such things, but do wish to share this. The text of that journal entry is below.
In Philippians 1:21 Paul says, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” This is where I and we usually stop and say wow, what a statement. In fact we ought to stop there more often and really think about what he says there and in response say a bigger WOW. But read on past that point. Paul continues, “If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.” Did you hear that? Read it again. “If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.” Did you see it that time? Which shall I choose? You mean Paul was at a place where he could choose death or life? This was not a situation like euthanasia where Paul was in great pain and thought death itself would be better than the pain. He was in prison, surely some pain, but that is not why he says this. I wish we knew the situation better to understand how it is he could have “chosen” death. Obviously that part is not something God intended us to know, so don’t dwell on it for long. Besides it’s yet the next verse that is the absolute jaw dropper.
I type the whole dialogue here for you to see, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.” Can you believe that?! I am hard pressed between the two. Should I die or continue living? I am hard pressed between the two. So either Paul is absolutely nuts, or his Damascus experience(Acts 9) has given him a clear vision of what he gains in death. Can you think like that? I can’t, but I wish to, I long too and I am pleading with God to. Imagine you have the chance to go to some “closed country” to evangelize the lost. If you go you will probably be put to death for your Christianity and if you stay in America you will probably live safely to an age where you can see your grandchildren grow into adulthood.
I wonder how many of we Christians would respond to that with, “I am hard pressed between the two.” Go, preach, possibly in vain, and die some glorious and painful martyr’s death or stay and live out your years in a safe country. Oh how I wish I could think like that! You know what makes you think like that? I suppose the big difference between Paul and us is that Paul did not think or believe that Christ existed, is the Son of God, and will reign through out eternity. No, Paul knew that those things were true. His faith did not consider those things as possibly true or even more than likely true, he believed them as absolutely true. If we could do that we would no longer love this world, we would no longer seek the pleasures of this world, but the pleasures found in intimacy with Jesus Christ. Yet we seek our pleasure else ware. I too seek pleasure in the world. And I don’t mean sinful things, I mean neutral or even good things that become evil only because we love them more than God. We say we don’t love them more, but the choice of quiet prayer, time in God’s word, or a moment of worship and the choice of our favorite hobby, a good movie or hanging out with a close friend we routinely do not choose God. I really am just in shock and awe at Paul’s response to death or life. I’ve never seen it that way. Who says to those options, “I am hard pressed between the two”? Who says that? Oh how I long to answer me, I say that.
